Presence

I come into your presence, Lord and I take a moment to clear my mind of all the conflicting thoughts about this decision I have to make. I hand this decision over to you and ask you to send me your Holy Spirit to advise me through this decision-making process.  I remain open to all options and possibilities. Come, Holy Spirit and guide me on this journey.

Advice

You are thinking about possibilities, but better not to do it all alone, because I can hear myself better when somebody else really listens, even without saying very much back. Try to put your dreams and hopes into words, and you might be surprised by what emerges. A good friend can help you to realise some of the battlelines. Could you be pressurised by secondary things? With someone else, you can, as they say, you can discern better. Where discerning means sifting out the different currents in the ocean that you are. A conversation, a good conversation, with someone you trust can help you to be free to decide wisely and well.

Reflection

You need to be prudent when seeking advice. On the one hand, there are some people who would never dream of asking for another’s help or taking them into their confidence in trying to reach a major decision. This is their loss. Nobody has a monopoly on wisdom, and the insight of others may open up new avenues of thought that would otherwise never occur to you. 

On the other hand, you find the other extreme: people who distrust their own judgement so much that they allow others to make their decisions for them. This is a danger for people who, by nature, are unsure of their own judgement. It can happen especially when the person giving advice comes across as forceful and all-knowing. The temptation in that case is to give in to the other person’s supposedly superior insight.

In the end, of course, all of us have to own our choices in life, and the responsibility for making our decisions cannot be handed over to anyone else. Each one of us has to trust our own inner light – our conscience – as our ultimate authority. So, seeking advice is not about handing over our most personal responsibility to another, and we should probably be slow to trust the advice of someone who seems to know it all and have all the answers.

Seeking advice is about inviting comments and reflections from people who know you well and who can draw on the wisdom they have gleaned from their own experience. It is a way of enriching your considerations, so that your choices and decisions have an added depth. Good advisors will never put pressure on you or try to influence your final decision. Rather, they will help open up your understanding of the issues involved, so that your decision will come about with greater clarity.

Other people, then, have a role in our decision-making, even if it’s a subsidiary one. St John of the Cross was very hard on those who would take no advice from others, saying that people who only have themselves to guide them have fools as guides! St. Ignatius also places a high value on discussing our lives with an astute and wise companion, especially in times of significant choices.

Next Step

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 He will advise you in the way you should go.